London, January 21, 2007
It has finally happened. The END has come. And come and come and come. Damn, it just goes on forever.
You see, this morning we were awoken by a squirrel shower. It rained squirrels from 10:15 to 10:30. *THUNK*! skitter, skitter, skitter. Then again, *THUNK*! and *THUNK*! * THUNK*!. Probably 7 or 8 squirrels fell from nowhere since there are no trees or taller buildings above our roof. Last time it rained only one squirrel when we were in Pueblo and I don't remember what it indicated, but today I knew it would be something significant.
... then I waited some more.
Then I went shoping and it happened! My ass is too big! Holy shit! There is this dress I've been checking out on the internet and I went to see if it would fit and it doesn't because no matter what size I get it in it would cover my enormous bulbous ass! What the hell happened? Where was I? Did anybody ask me about this first? Shit! Fucking raining squirrels!
Beware the raining squirrels and the terrible omens they bring.
An Ass Too Far. Ass Over the River Kwai. 2 Ass 2 Furious. Triple Ass ("I see you have three assess tattooed on the back of your neck, well, that's appropriate because...). Saving Ryan's Ass. Assablanca. Casino Roy Ass. Homeward Ass. The Little Mer Ass. Things to Do in Denver When You're Ass. The Ass That Came in From the Cold. Fleetwood Ass.
And it was a cute dress, too. My style. See: ?
It was really sexy when you unbuttoned it. And then buttoned it up. Hell, it was just a sexy dress. If it wasn't for the cock sucking squirrel shower.